Picture the scene, you head to a UK seaside town in the height of summer only to be whipped and lashed with rain carried by coastal winds.
The Great British weather was doing its thing on Monday, July 31, in Clacton-on-Sea, Essex, and there was only so much I could humiliate myself playing crazy golf inside the pier.
As if by design right opposite Clacton Pier and The Pavilion Fun Park, a Wetherspoon was there to capitalise on mine and all other sodden visitors' hunger and let's face it, thirst.
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Some may call me lazy, other more astute critics, however, will most likely hail me a modern man for finding a table and loading up the Wetherspoon app for a light lunch to fuel my fun fair activities to follow.
This was despite the Moon and Starfish bar looking eerily empty.
Browsing the drinks menu, I thought there there must be something wrong for all beers on tap, all of them were greyed out and listed as 'Out of Stock'
Believing I could find a loophole to some kind of glitch in the system, I headed to the food menu to see if I could get a discounted pint with a 6oz American Burger – bypassing the issue.
No such luck, yet just several yards away were shiny taps taunting me as if to say, you want us? Come up and speak to a human being behind the bar.
That was when I finally spotted a notice beside them which read: "No Draught products are currently available, Apologies for any inconveniences".
Ever the observant punter, I turned my head to the rest of the pub at which point the penny fully dropped – tables all around me were strewn with bottles.
One chap had three bottles of Hooch for company, a trio of discerning gentlemen had a circular table of Efes bottles and I reluctantly gave up the ghost and added a 660ml bottle of Camden Hells to my basket.
It was eventually kindly brought over to my table (54) but without a glass, as though I was expected to guzzle and swig from the vessel like an isotonic sports drink mid-match.
"Any chance I could get a glass too, please?," I quipped. To be fair serving bottles in a Wetherspoon is probably just as alien to the staff as it is to customers.
A few moments later a pint glass was pretty forcefully slapped down on my table, as though I'd been a complete inconvenience for daring to decant lager into something a bit more civilised.
Keen to get to the bottle – I mean bottom – of the mystery, I asked a senior-looking staff member what the issue with draught beers was.
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He explained there was a problem with the gas downstairs which affects the way the beers are poured on draught.
Fortunately for visitors to the Moon and Starfish today, the app is showing all draught beers to be available.
Just my luck the pub ran dry the same day I sought shelter.
The Daily Star has contacted Wetherspoon for a comment.
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