Strangest Loch Ness monster theories – from alien gateway to whales’ penises

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Sightings of a mysterious creature in Loch Ness date back over 1400 years, to one late August day in 564 AD, when St Colomba saved the life of a man who was being menaced by a monster and banished it to the depths of the loch.

For every year since then, it seems, there’s a theory for what could be behind the regular sightings of an unknown animal swimming in Britain’s largest lake.

Some sceptics say the long-necked “sea monster” in the 1934 photo that really kick-started the Nessie phenomenon was simply a large floating log with a branch that happened to look like a serpents head and neck, but there are dozens of stranger, and more entertaining theories.

READ MORE: 'Loch Ness Monster' sighting was actually an escaped Alpaca going for a swim

An elephant?

Despite their bulky appearance elephants are excellent swimmers, and Neil Clark, the curator of palaeontology at Glasgow’s Hunterian Museum, floated the theory that the celebrated 1934 sighting could have been a partially-submerged Indian elephant that had escaped from a travelling circus that was parked up nearby.

"It is quite possible that people not used to seeing a swimming elephant. The vast bulk of the animal is submerged, with only a thick trunk and a couple of humps visible," thought they had seen a monster, he said in 2006.

An eel?

Most people who report sightings of the ‘monster” only mention seeing its long, dinosaur-like neck. Could it be that they’re seeing not a neck, but an eel’s entire body?

Professor Neil Gemmell, from the University of Otago in New Zealand, said: "Eels are very plentiful in Loch Ness, with eel DNA found at pretty much every location sampled – there are a lot of them.

“Therefore,” he told The Mirror, “we can't discount the possibility that what people see and believe is the Loch Ness Monster might be a giant eel."

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A whale’s penis?

Ok, here’s where it gets weird. Michael Sweet, who is a professor in Molecular Ecology at the University of Derby, has suggested that what people who sight th eLock Ness monster are really seeing is a whale’s penis.

Writing on Twitter, Professor Sweet said: “Back in the day, travellers/explorers would draw what they saw.

“This is where many sea monster stories come from, i.e. tentacled and alienesque appendages emerging from the water – giving belief to something more sinister lurking beneath…however, many cases it was just whale d**ks.

“Whales often mate in groups so while one male is busy with the female, the other male just pops his d**k out of the water while swimming around waiting his turn”.

“Everyone’s gotta have a bit of fun, right?” The professor added.

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A visitor from another world?

Of course, there had to be aliens involved. Giorgio A. Tsoukalos, a UFO hunter best known for his Ancient Aliens TV show, is convinced that extraterrestrials visited Earth in the distant past, and set humanity on the path to civilisation.

He says that the most popular Nessie theory – that the creature is a dinosaur that somehow survived the asteroid impact that marked the end of the Cretaceous Era – doesn’t hold water.

Instead, he suggests, it’s more logical to assume that Nessie isn’t a dinosaur, but is instead a spaceship.

Tsoukalos says: “Maybe we are dealing with something more than just some large prehistoric creature.”

He goes on to suggest with the help of Dr John Brandenburg, Professor of Physics at Madison College, that Loch Ness might be an alien gateway to allow spaceships to travel through.

Dr Brandenburg claims a large amounts of quartz deposits, which are found around Loch Ness, potentially paving the way for a route into space.

He said: “You have enormous electromagnetic fields being generated. That means we can create, perhaps, a traversable wormhole.”

Well, it’s more interesting than saying it’s a big stick.

What are your theories on the Loch Ness monster? Let other rStar readers know in the comments below.


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